Today was a glorious victory for the Imperial Wolf and all of America! I have only been in Oxford for two days, yet I realized I must act swiftly and decisively if I want my reputation to be known throughout the lands of our long lost brethren. My first act of conquest came when I took the strategic hertford bridge, also known as the Bridge of Sighs due to the Brit's lack of creativity (if you are going to steal the design of a bridge from the feisty Venetians, why would you use the exact same name, this is the kind of shit that makes patriotic freedom fighters like me so damn important, also are the Venetians really feisty? Too bad no know one will know since those I-talians are sinking faster than the Greek Economy..thats some topical commentary!). I utilized a play out of the old greek mythology playbook by evoking a modern day irresistible luring of the sirens song (seen below)
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| My exquisite physique first draws the attention, and my slender yet bulging legs makes this image down right irresistible to any simple minded Englishmen about to meet a cruel and ruinous fate |
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After single handily filling the streets with traitorous blood as red as the coats that tried to imprison our god given country, I picked the very few corpses that were still recognizable after the terrible and unspeakable acts that they suffered due to my nefarious imagination, also because I played violent videogames once, and cast their heads into cement so I could perch them on the city walls, a warning sign to all denizens of oxford to the oncoming storm of manliness and patriotisim that will fall upon them like an eagle onto an animal that is smaller than an eagle, or some kind of asian panda or some dumb treasonous animal like that, I never learned about any other animals except for the eagle and the grizzly bear, whose intercourse gave birth to what is now known as the United States of America.
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| British people's heads are really that big. |
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